Where Should I Live?
I need someone’s help. Desperately.
For the last two years, I’ve lived in the Pacific Northwest, and I just don’t click here. The area is beautiful and majestic and all, but I just don’t click with the people, somehow. They have this eerie, introverted quality that I don’t fit in with.
I’m originally from the southeast US, but there just wasn’t much happening there intellectually or creatively. I was bored.
I lived in Los Angeles for a few months, and that was actually pretty cool, but the people lacked a certain soulfulness and depth.
I’ve heard that Chicago might be a good fit for me. Also, I’ve heard that the maritimes of Canada or, even, my original ancestral region of northwestern Spain might work.
Does anybody have any thoughts on the subject? Non-rude ones, I mean.
Sent by David Jack
May 11th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
Dear David,
I read your letter on this webiste. I find the whole concept offinding the right city in which to live, so interesting.
What about Vancouver? I haven’t been there for a long time and I , myslf live in Ontario and am about to move.
Vancouver would be a closer move for you. I think you would find it less nerdy than your home and That it has more people of substance than Los Angeles.
Good luck! I hope you fine where you’re looking for.
Cheers,
Katherine E. Clark-President
http://www.meant2be.ca
May 13th, 2008 at 2:22 pm
Chicago is full of great fun and inviting people. In fact the whole of the midwest is. If you can handle the cold, look into places such as the twin cities or one of my favorite places…….. wait for it…. Milwaukee, WI. Even though I left the midwest about 3 years ago to find my new home in Boston my heart will always reside in “flyover country”.
ps. move in the summer. Be open and people will respond. Learn to drink.. heavy.
May 14th, 2008 at 10:29 pm
David - As a former south-easterner who now lives in San Francisco and has clients in both LA and Seattle, I can relate to your perception about the people. I hear a lot of recent arrivals say the same thing.
If you don’t mind the extreme weather, the midwest is a nice place to land. I hear a lot of good things about Minneapolis if you are looking for a progressive place in a more manageable (and affordable) size. I have several friends that relocated there from SF and really like it (except for the weather). Chicago is always a fun choice as well. You are probably young enough to give either place a try for awhile. I would visit for a long weekend and check out the nightspots, etc., to see how friendly the people are and if you connect. Best of luck!
May 20th, 2008 at 7:20 pm
I was born here, so I am one of those eerie natives. The NW takes 3-5 years to get used for most transplants, especially those from sunnier locales (pretty much everywhere else in the world). Getting the social angle sorted out can take quite a while, even for locals. It’s no picnic, but having lived a few other places I’ll offer that it’s very rewarding when it all comes together here. Give it some time if you are invested in staying here for any reason. If not, Chicago and SF are usually admired most by folks looking to escape from here to a larger city.
May 20th, 2008 at 10:45 pm
Definitely not Vancouver. I’ve lived here for seven years and I still haven’t cracked their oddly introverted/protectionist code. If it wasn’t for the fact that I think I’d die in -30 winters, I’d gladly move to any other part of Canada.
May 21st, 2008 at 11:00 pm
I’ve lived in both Vancouver and Chicago (Vancity native), and from the sounds of it you should get outta town.
Vancity is only good if you know people who are willing to bring you into their social networks (we tend to be clique-y that way). I agree with NW Native tho; if you’re able to bring it all together somehow, it is most definitely worth it.
Chi-town (or somewhere similar) might be a good fit for you. It has fun night-life, interesting communities, and a great deal of character in both its buildings and its residents. On the whole, I find it much easier to meet people there than it is in the Pacific NW.
If you’re thinking about moving there, all I can say is to be VERY choosy as to where you live–do your homework!
May 27th, 2008 at 2:40 am
Set up a list of cities, take a vacation, and fly from one to the other. Make a list of the activities you like to do or interact with other people in. At each city you visit, go to meetings related to that activity. Those will the people that you will interact with socially. If you can, go to a professional meeting or conference in the city as well. This is to get an idea of the people that you are going to work with. Work hard at being extroverted and almost pushy to meet people but once you do, relax. Try to act a little younger than you are, at your most reaching out time.
I think that’s your best bet. This is why it is best to move around and travel when you are young. And then not to let jobs drag you around the country. Unless that is all that matters to you. I’ve been living in the East Bay (near SF) for several years and never gotten a social life or a hobby life here. I left it all in the Silicon Valley. The East Bay has a pinchy quality, like New York City. Limited financial perspectives. Beloved of young, would be, not so well paid, urbanites.
May 27th, 2008 at 2:51 am
Miami or Madrid for the extroverted,although an intermediate or advanced knowledge of Spanish(Castilian)is essential.Madrid has become after London,Europe’s most culturally and economically dynamic city.
June 3rd, 2008 at 3:14 pm
I was in Seattle for 11 years. Gads I wish I could unpack all my mixed feeelings about the place without being long and boring. I agree about the introvert tendencies. Hang out in a cafe in LA and you will realize that people are far more extroverted. Places really do draw different types of people, owing to the industries they work in and the climate. I’ve bailed on Seattle but I’m nowhere great right now. Just lil’ ole Winston-Salem, NC, probably as a pit stop to somewhere else. I am working on social strategies that don’t require “place,” either by organizing social groups myself, or using the internet to identify and possibly create regional subcultures. I just think this old style economics of dragging yourself around to cities that turn out to be inadequate and very expensive is getting kind of silly. It is probably better to learn how to become a Culture Maker than to be a culture seeker.
June 10th, 2008 at 5:06 am
Hi,
I would say check out the Bay Area, Seattle, and then fly to Chicago to do a comparison. Keep in mind that your core motivation in finding a city to call home has to do with what most matters. I personally like SF and Chicago for its intellectual and cultural options.
June 19th, 2008 at 4:21 pm
SF Bay Area- Very cultural/intellectual with soul. I live in Oakland, across the bay and love it! Seems like everyone you meet is a writer, artist, musician, or teacher in some capacity… Great access to nature too. I would say Chicago as well, but the weather kills me.
June 19th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
I have lived in the Pacific North West (specifically Oregon) for over 8 years. It is not the right place for me BUT I like it a lot. Portland seems way too clique-y for the young (especially single) and it often feels like if you are not a hipster with lots of tattoos and piercings you are not wanted - but it is amazing how many people you find are REAL friends. I thought I had a bunch of aquaintances until something went wrong and found out I could rely on almost every one of them (of course bunch of them are actually midwesterners…)
June 19th, 2008 at 4:32 pm
The northwest region of spain would be good for you if you like to stay up all night, a country who just came out of a dictatorship 30 years ago, and weird scrubby landscape. Lots of the politics there still address neo-nazism, communism, etc., and I didn’t have much patience for it, truthfully. The south of spain, however, was completely gorgeous, and although I just spent a couple of days there versus 3 months in the north, I think it would be a gorgeous place to live. The people are interesting, for sure, and the more south, the more diverse. The whole country is definitely for night-lifers, so make sure you don’t like to get anything done in the mornings before you move.
June 19th, 2008 at 4:54 pm
I too lived in Seattle for 11 years. I left because my midwestern friendliness was not well received. The gold rush mentality of the west coast just left me feeling very lonely. Everyone was soooo closed off and introverted…though oddly enough it is a friendly and fun place to visit. Chicago sounds more like your speed. In fact, most places east of the Mississippi may work. I currently live in St. Louis which has a good quality of life but a rather limited tolerance for people who didn’t go to high school here. You’ll make friends but they’ll all be from somewhere else. Getting ahead in business is hard though, due to the untrusting reality of the natives in control who are proud of themselves and only trust locals. I’m now leaving. Gave it a good try, 8 years. But I am outta here. Chicago or Michigan [employment will be tricky] is where I’ll probably head to next. I have family in Michigan and getting closer to where I grew up sounds nice again.
June 19th, 2008 at 4:56 pm
As someone who grew up in Seattle, your comment made me laugh! I’m one of those introverted, book-reading, coffee-drinking, hiking types. And I have heard your similar comment from newbies to the Seattle area. There are extroverts here! One of my good friends (a native) loves introducing newbies to the area and to our group. Some of the ‘newbies’ have stuck with us for almost a decade. Vancouver natives are fairly similar to Seattlites, having relatives there. Unfortunately, Vancouver is no longer a secret haven for us in the NW.
Overall though, (running counter to this site), I think ultimately how happy you are depends on YOU and not on the city. I’ve also spent extended time (years in some cases) in NYC, upstate New York, Los Angeles, Toronto, and now San Francisco, with stints in Alaska, Boston, D.C., urban/ rural China. I’ve been happy and adjusted to wherever I am. Now, a rural place in the midwest would likely make me miserable but most urban places with progressive attitudes and quick access to nature are fine with me.
Also, would comment that as my globe-trotting friends have gotten older, settled down, and had kids, many have returned to Seattle or their native hometown because FAMILY is a top priority for them.
You may love your work (substitute weather, hobbies, cultural amenities, etc.) but your work will never love you back.
June 19th, 2008 at 6:15 pm
I’m surprised no one has mentioned Madison, WI as a potential fit. I lived there for almost eleven years (during which time I got my bachelor’s at the UW). It is constantly ranked as one of the best places to live; people are very friendly and overall pretty outgoing. The crime rate is low, it’s a beautiful area, and you will meet people from virtually every country, including many from Mexico, Central, and South America. I strongly recommend you consider and even visit Madison, WI. I think you will be pleased.
Best of luck to you in all endeavors.
July 28th, 2008 at 6:13 pm
David, I recently moved to LA from SF and I agree re: the people, although I did not like/click with the people in the Bay area at ALL — and I gave it a good long try for over 17 years. I am from Athens GA so I know what it means to be from the South. The problem is, I think you (we) are looking for the best things about the South (friendliness, caring, warm) without the worst things (conservatism, culturally safe/mindless, anti-education). That is a tall order to fill. You will not find it anywhere on the west coast or in Vancouver or any of these northern cities people are telling you to look at. My suggestions? Philly (the NE culture mixed with heart), Austin (friendly, southern, cool), San Antonio (friendly, lots of culture, and underground hip if you know where to find it), St. Louis, Louisville, Baltimore. That’s about it. Find the “second city” that’s close to the “first city” filled with all the self-absorbed types. (Postnote: Athens GA is still a great town.)
July 30th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
David
My husband and I moved to Boise from the midwest three years ago. The move has been an across the board success. We used a Vedic astrologer from Seattle to do career/location/timing charts for us, and then spent several years checking out the areas that (on paper) would be great locations for us. We both have had the experience of absolute ease in making huge mid-life transitions, and success in our work. Several of our grown children have based their living and schooling situations on the same method, and are having very positive results. Though unconventional, this method of placement and timing is based in ancient sciences, and has been a great aid in living the life we had been seeking. Check out the website: http://www.vedicsciences.com.
And the best of luck to you in finding your place!