Finding a partner
I am a single white 35 year old woman with a great career that pays me enough to live in a nice neighborhood in most cities (including New York City, where I live now). Also, my field (engineering) is in high demand so I could work in any city in the US for the most part.
My decision on where to live is governed primarily on where I have the best chance of meeting my future husband. I didn’t see any category in the book that includes “best city for single 30 someth ings”. This is a bit frustrating, as the best singles cities seems to only cover up to age 29.
Anyway, I have been single for almost a year and a half and currently have no prospects, although I have worked hard to date and meet people. Let me add that I am attractive and personable, have tons of friends, and love going out and cultural events. I just think that it is very hard for mid-30 women in NYC to meet men that want a relationship. Good thing I just got a new job in Washington DC!! Does anyone have advice on this topic?
Thanks.
Sent by Anna from New York
May 19th, 2008 at 5:42 pm
this singles map will help. New York has way too many single women. check this out: http://creativeclass.com/whos_your_city/maps/
May 26th, 2008 at 10:25 am
Your story sounds like many women here in NYC. To be truthful, I don’t know how much better D.C. would be but I am a huge fan of changing locations if your having trouble finding a man. I am in the same boat. My next stop might be the Bay area or abroad…
June 12th, 2008 at 10:29 am
There are many cultures in then US and what is a good city for one culture may not be for another culture. Read Black Enterprise for a list of cities good for African Americans, if you are one. If not then NY or DC should do fine. The key with meeting the opposite sex is getting out in front of many of them. Get out at least two to three times a week. Also don’t just get out but get involved. Take salsa lessons. There are plenty of men there. Take an acting class. There are men there. Take a cooking class. There are men there. Take a martial arts class. There are plenty of men there. In other words get to places where you can actually get to know someone, and more importantly vice versa. Many men have been jaded with meeting women “on the street” and just passing by in the park. We want to get to know the women too. It’s easier for us to initiate when we see you a few times. Also try online dating or speed dating. It’s a numbers game.
June 19th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
Anna,
You need to come to the Bay Area. Not only is there plenty to do here, but lots of single men. I went to school in San Diego, and currently live in the bay area and I think anyone of those choices would be great.
June 19th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
I find that being a successful, smart, independant woman in that age range really intimidates men, so don’t feel bad. This sounds negative, but I am speaking from experience….many of them prefer to be with some one inferior to boost their ego. OK- not ALL men, but a LOT of them. We are really in a challenging situation. There aren’t a lot of single men at our level. I see this problem all the time, and believe it would be a lot easier to be less intelligent, less successful. I live in Syracuse NY, a very small city, and it is NOT the place to be to find a single guy! So if you find the answer, please share it with the world!
June 19th, 2008 at 6:18 pm
As a woman engineer myself I appreciate your predicament. Analytical approach and competence, so valued by our profession, are counterproductive in the partner search process. I don’t think I would have found a partner at a salsa lesson. And I don’t think that “it’s a number game”.
Thirty years ago I was thrown by life into a situation of total incompetence. This experience changed my world view, my priorities, and turned my life into one big adventure. Oh yes, I found a partner who is my husband for the last 30 years. The life isn’t easy, but that’s the life.
I’d suggest you taking one year off and traveling to the far end of the world with only one suitcase. Rent an apartment in Marrakech or Kampala and get a job at a local engineering firm or in an orphanage or mission school. Get yourself into a situation where you’d need all your survival skills and all your analytical skills just to survive. You sure will never forget the experience. And you may even find a partner. Good luck!
June 20th, 2008 at 2:31 pm
I FEEL your pain! I’m a terribly single 36 year old single woman. Last year I moved to Portland, OR after about 10 years in the Bay Area. I haven’t found Mr. Right yet, but the prospects are much better here and Portland,OR is a fantastic city.
The dating scene can be tough in San Francisco/Berkeley. I met TONS of awesome women, who were all after the same handful of guys…not fun.
Silicon Valley is a different story. Lots of cute professional engineer types, and a great range of fun activities to get involved in & meet people. I highly recommend Silicon Valley, especially for you engineer women!
Good Luck!
June 20th, 2008 at 4:55 pm
A woman engineer who is single and looking??? Obviously, the place to be is Silicon Valley (southern San Francisco Bay Area) or Alaska where the two highest concentrations of single males are located. Less obvious advice… a co-worker once related that he moved to the Bay Area to meet lots of people (that is, a woman to marry) but even after about 5 years he felt lonely surrounded by all the busy people — too many things to see and do and to spend money on. He then got a job about 3 hour’s drive from the Bay Area and moved to a nearby town of about 40,000. He met a girl and they got married. He had finally realized that, ironically, big cities are lonely places where it’s easy to be anonymous, while small towns are where people get to know each other!
June 27th, 2008 at 10:58 am
Hi
I stumbled across your question and reply’s quite by accident.
I must agree with the last response of Ammer. I am not to practiced at blogs etc. I to am single and while I am busy, I would like to think I would be married again. I was and we were not and are yet today are very good friends (X wife) to this day. I am 42 no kids and wish I had a few. Not a great age to start over, but I did. I am a good looking guy, college educated, etc. but decided to change careers and pursue something I always enjoyed. I left a 6 figure income in the software industry to become a Chef and attended one of the top culinary schools in the world. Talk about a age gap at school (ha-ha). But, all is well that ends well ; )
My point is,
I apologize if it sounds like it comes from a man, But as they say “I is one” (I am originally from Texas), But I am so much more at peace and hopefully attractive to the opposite sex since I am happy. Were ever you are there will be good men. I think? Warts and all. Meaning that, we are not perfect, nor are we mind readers. I must say on the down side; I have met and have many great friends who play an important part in my life to, but it is not the same as having a best friend in a committed relationship. I have been in a few relationships that frankly did not pan out. These things take time, but I am in a “happy and healthy place” and I enjoy being a Chef. Timing is key i think or at least hope!
Hang in there. Were ever life takes you.
Cheers
Tim
PS I hope this helps and good luck!